Mental health resources for parents of intense kids

Yes, our goal-oriented, persistent, and intense kids have a bright future ahead of them. Those skills are going to  serve them well in their future.

It can just be exhausting for parents at times.

Here are some helpful resources from Kidlutions that might make the journey a little smoother.

5 reasons not to minimize your child's feelings

7 Skillful Ways to Help Kids Manage Intense Feelings

Fun with feelings: Emotions matter!

Anger Toolbox for Kids

Parenting the intense, explosive, inflexible, sprited, twice gifted child.

A rose is a rose by any other name, but a challenging kid can have lots of different labels.

I'm not against labels if they help me get resources, find support, and give some validity to the challenges we face.

Emotional intensity seems to be a common factor in all these labels, along with the autism spectrum and ADHD and sensory processing disorder.

In a decade our understanding of brain science will figure out the nuances, similarities, and distinctions between these labels.

But in the meantime, what are parents to do in the face of everyday struggles and and challenges?


Here are some resources that I appreciate for strategies:

An Intense Life Blog - where intensity is embraced and celebrated as an asset for children when channeled into positive means.  She offers 7 tips for working with emotionally intense kids.

Celebrate Calm - providing specific strategies for dealing with behavioral outbursts in positive, calm ways to help parents get the respect they desire while respecting the child.

Lives in the Balance: Cooperative Problem Solving Approaches to Behavior - helping parents and teachers recognize the skills that kids with behavioral challenges are lacking, like flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem solving and help build them. Rather than viewing them as unmotivated or manipulative, Ross Green's approach helps builds mutual respect between adults and kids by meeting needs and building skills.

Kidlutions - providing anger management tools for kids and their parents and offering special tips and guidance for understanding and helping angry/intense kids.

"Mom, I have a handwashing problem"

Indeed you do, my darling daughter. I'm glad you realize it is a problem.  And now I know why I've had to refill the soap dispenser so frequently as of late.

Over the weekend I started settling into the realization that my 5 year old daughter is exhibiting common signs of an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).  I would not have thought it possible at this age, but a recent report from Science Daily indicates that children as young as 4 can have full-blown OCD.

It was an abrupt onset of symptoms. Two weeks ago she started complaining after brushing her teeth that she felt like she just hadn't brushed everywhere.  She brushed quite frequently. But that seemed okay. It was after each meal and snack throughout the day which seemed logical, especially since she became aware of some cavities that need filling.

But that behavior looks different in hindsight. This past week she started washing her hands a zillion times, complaining about germs and worrying about everything touching something "dirty."  (okay, yeah, I'm a germophobe but not like this!)  She started taking multiple showers and baths a day, crying if we didn't let her.  She started getting chapped hands.

I knew it crossed the line when she had a friend over yesterday and insisted (shrieked) that her friend must wash her hands (and rewash them) before touching things.  She tried her hardest to get everyone to go play outside so no one would touch things in the house.

She has been in nearly constant agony and distress.  Even sleep has not brought relief. She has been waking up sobbing.

Over the past several months she has said "I wish I was never born" which was alarming to me. 

I felt that way a lot as a child with a panic disorder. I've seen the terrorizing symptoms of panic and anxiety displayed in my firstborn with a sensory processing disorder.  And now I'm seeing the OCD in my second child.

I think back to when she was 3 and we would be late for soccer games because she couldn't get her socks and shin guards exactly even and would meltdown. 

I just figured she had mild sensory issues like her brother and was irritated by the clothing. But now I realize it was because of the lack of symmetry.

So she has only a few socks she would wear but mostly avoids them, choosing to wear boots or flip flops instead.

And she often begs to have her hair in pigtails like her cousin or other girls she observes.  But it's only a few minutes before a meltdown occurs.  She sobs that the pigtails are not even, no matter how many times I redo them. They never stay in for more than a few minutes before she is in complete agony.

My children are the fifth generation to deal with some level of "mental illness" related to anxiety disorders.  Anxiety and panic disorders can be traced at least back to my great grandmother. 

These issues have affected my grandmother; my father, all his siblings, at least one cousin; several of my cousins; and now my own children. At one point I counted that 50% of our descendants were affected in some way. I've learned of a family member diagnosed with schizophrenia.  And we've recently learned of a bi-polar diagnosis in my husband's family.

Some folks feel it is shameful to discuss or admit anyone is affected.  But not me.  It's not a moral failing. It's not anyone's "fault."  It's not because someone is weak.  It's just a medical issue.

RESOURCES: So the journey begins for another child. Here are some resources we'll be investigating.

Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compu​lsive Disorder: A Powerful, Practical Program for Parents of Children and Adolescents by Tamar Ellsas Chansky


What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming OCD (What-to-Do Guides for Kids) by Dawn Huebner



Talking Back to OCD: The Program That Helps Kids and Teens Say "No Way" -- and Parents Say "Way to Go" by John S. March MD




Health Journeys Help For Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder [Audio CD] - Belleruth Naparstek